A weird Place

I am writing this, not because I want to, but because I feel like I have to. I have been in an odd place lately. We just entered 2026, I finished the 365-day project where I photographed every day, and I am just creatively burnt out. In fact, I feel a little directionless with my photography at the moment. I am questioning things, and it probably doesn't look good to whoever is reading these words right now. I am writing this because I was forced to slow down. As soon as we entered the new year, I caught the Flu. I am currently recovering from it as I type this out. So during a very creative low, after giving it my all for busy season, my body has given out on me a little bit. I pushed a bit too hard, especially creatively. So I am not writing this because I want to. I am writing this because I need to, because I need to figure out why I was forced to slow down, to figure out my why in this whole creative endeavor.

Last year

As I mentioned above, I went all in with the 365 day project. It was a lot of fun at first. Now, I want to write a dedicated blog for that project, so I won't go too much into it, but to sum things up, I started off great, then slowly started losing steam. This wasn't just with my photography, this was with everything creatively. My last blog was in August 2025. I quit on making YouTube videos. I stopped making reels on my Instagram. My posts for my daily project became more scattered rather than a daily routine. Something happened inside of me. I stopped seeing the point. Hell, the more I look back on it, the more I believe that I was just doing this for content. Just for something to post and I would tell myself some self-serving thing to make me sound like some creative douchebag. I don't know, I am still reflecting on it all, and writing this out is a part of that process. All I know is I look back on what I made, and even though I am happy and proud of some of the work I made, I am not happy with the majority of it. There were some awesome days where it was just me and my camera, then there were other days where I felt like I was lugging along my camera just to get the photo of the day. It wasn't something I got to do anymore, it was something I had to do. I stopped observing, stopped listening to the world around me to create art and I started hunting for a photo. My work became more forced, and it started taking my creative soul with it. Again, I am still reflecting on everything, I am just a bit lost right now.

Last year had some good moments. I just wish I spent more time appreciating those moments rather than forcing other ones.

I'm Sick

So this Flu is kicking my ass. I haven't been this sick in years. I am talking the kind of sick that it takes all my energy just to move to the living room, then I want to sleep some more kind of sick. The kind of sick where just going outside to check the mail takes all the gas in my tank. It has been rough. So I sit here with my keyboard, thinking about what I am going to do next creatively, and I just get exhausted. Exhausted thinking of last year. Exhausted thinking of all the things I could do and all the things I probably should do, but then I just look at a blank screen because I am too damn tired and burnt out to choose to care. I am too tired to figure out if I ever cared at all. Now I know I am saying this kinda negative things, and part of my anxiety tells me to never post something like this because it looks bad to the consumer, "its bad content" my brain is saying. But that's the trap isn't it? Me thinking I am making this for someone else. That is how it has been. That is how people think it should be, maybe from a consumer standpoint, but what if that's what I have been doing wrong. What if I have been so transfixed about what others would think of me and my work that I only thought about them? I only thought about the people who would see my work and not the person making it. What if that is why I am burnt out and feel lost? What if me getting sick is my body's way of making me sit still long enough to really question these things? And the thing is, to anyone else I probably sound like I am overthinking right now, and I probably am. But I know this is worth pondering over because these thoughts have been in my head for months now, I only now have the time and space to really mull them over. So after all that pity party, let's get to the real meat and potatoes. Why in the hell am I doing this? Why do I carry a camera, why do I take photos, and what is the point in all of this?

What has been the point?

I am probably going to wince in the future when I read all this again, but that is okay. Maybe this is all a part of discovering something deeper. So in the meantime, let's go in the past and figure out why I have been doing all of this?

2020

I picked up a camera for the first time. Wanted to be a short-film maker. Figured I needed to take a photo before making a movie, so I learned photography, haven't looked back since. Some friends told me I took a good photo so I should make a business. So I did. I then only picked up my camera if I was being paid to do so. Hated it. Needed a change.

Summary: The point was money

2024

I told my friend I wanted to quit photography. They asked why, I told them I don't think I ever feel in love with it. I learned how to take a good photo, but I never learned how to partake in the act of photography. I decided I would do a monthly photo series and send it out via email, so I did that. It was cool but didn't itch the right itch. I did start the process of learning how to love photography though.

Summary: The point was learning

2025

In order to get to know photography a little more, and to really push myself to learn it inside and out, I decided a 365 day project would be good. It was. I discovered the photography was so much more, and really focused onthe act of creating. I discovered that photography, and just creating in general, was in its own way its own entity. It was bigger than me. It was bigger than something to be learned or something to make money from. It was something to be respected and cared for, and that is where I began feeling ill-equipped. I felt less than. My work began to suffer. I then tried to force my work, but it is now, as I reflect on it right now, being forced to rest with the Flu, that I realize that I need to rest and let go of my grip to let it become whatever it is going to become.

Summary: The point is that I can't and shouldn't try to make a point with it.

Now what the hell did all that mean? Like I said, I am just writing as I go here as a meditative exercise. What I think I meant is that it is more than money to be made, it is more than knowledge to be learned, it is a craft, it is an artform that I can use to express not only myself, but whatever weird creative energy is out there that I am feeling as I writing this out. That creativity is its own entity and energy and sometimes it chooses people to express whatever the universe wants to express, and it is our job to listen. I just haven't been doing a good job lately, that is why everything is feeling forced and off for me.

What do i do?

This is the part I was dreading to get to, because the truth is I still don't know. What I do know is that I need to rest creatively, so I need to do things differently than I did last year. I am tired, and this blog has proven to me that I have a lot of thoughts that need time and space to air out for me to make more sense out of. I know I am not going to force myself to take photos every day. I would like to write more blogs, because even if it is not the best for an audience, writing these out help me think a little more out loud. Sure, I could journal about all of this, and believe me, I do. I just find blogs allow a little more accountability, and it is also me remaining honest to whoever does read this. I don't want to come off as some professional that has everything figured out. I don't want to have the most financially successful photography business and show it off with these blogs. I want to show those that are reading that I am just a servant to the creative process, I just document my time with it.

So the plan is I still carry my camera every day. I spend more time listening and observing, not hunting or forcing a moment to work when it doesn't. The plan is to write more blogs, to allow me to explore these thoughts with the art of the written word. I want to make more short form videos of sitting with scenes more, so I will give that a shot. Overall, 2026 is going to be the year of slowing down and acting with intention rather than producing just for "content". My journey with photography has taken me from only caring about money to realizing that this whole creativity thing is bigger than me. I still feel lost, I still am doubting my role in all of this, but that doesn't mean I need to stop. It means I need to slow down and really look at things. I need to slow down to take everything in. So here is a year to acting with more intention and taking things more slowly.